Today we turned 11 and embarked on our once a year fancy lunch ( mostly my wanting because I’m all about atmosphere and wanting the food to look artistic 😂) BUT
This picture was also taken right before I suddenly felt my heart sink and I pondered on the lies and had all these scenarios playing in my head telling me that I wasn’t really loved and thought of.
THIS rarely happens nowadays. I used to get these thought “attacks” very often before I came to Jesus and I would go “down”. I would feel a heaviness on my chest… and I would not know what hit me.
I would have questioning thoughts of Marks love for me even though I KNEW he did! It is as if I Knew the truth but didn’t “feel” it. I guess it’s almost like the serpent in the garden going “Did God really say… does God really love you… are you sure he wants the best for you or maybe he doesn’t want you to be like him” and he performs these same tricks with anyone who matters to you because he loves to destroy relationships.
I still get these “sad attacks” but very rarely these days because I catch the entry thoughts before they fester and I pray them off. I was somehow caught off guard today as they came on very strongly ironically on our anniversary.
When I realized I could be under attack again, I just kept praying “Jesus help me”. I gave those feelings I had to Jesus and asked him for help. All the negative thoughts and heaviness lifted off after awhile and I found myself feeling perfectly normal and happy again.
I was just thinking about the saying, “marriage is hard work” and realized quite frankly that for us, marriage would have been impossible without Jesus. I don’t know if we would still be together today.
There were so many times the lies and negative thoughts were so oppressive it felt like the car could have gone off the cliff when there were no protective boundaries. We walked on tight ropes. When we’re messed up inside, we mess up a lot more.
“Our fight is not against flesh and blood “ and “the enemy comes to steal kill and destroy” are very real and he especially wants to break families and marriages apart.
Voices that whisper in your ears that want to make you depressed, jealous, offended, worried are all very real and I’m reminded again today to always be on guard to catch these thoughts quickly and pray them away.
is there a lie
I’m believing in,
what is the truth?”
I sometimes wonder if I talk about God in my life too much, but I wonder how not to when I KNOW that everything in my life today, everything that I AM and that I have … is because he saved me by his Grace. I did not earn it, I don’t deserve it, yet he loves me anyways. Who am I that you are mindful of me? 🙏🏻❤️ #psalm8:4
Thank you God for keeping us together for 11 years and for the rest of our lives.