Today some friends commented that they would have thought that I would love Aletheia to be in a school that taught about God and how awesome he was. A school that taught her how to pray before having her meals etc.
Which got me thinking – if a “Christian” school and nursery can give you or your child an encounter with God – wouldn’t all my school mates and all who’ve attended religious schools – be followers of Jesus?
Or, in fact, could that actually turn them form an early age, AWAY from God? Since he was always “forced” upon them. They never understood any of what they have been doing and it never meant anything anyways…. and growing up it might be worse to think you know who he is, when you really don’t – Especially when all the ideas of the God that you’ve been taught about feels like a whole bunch of rules you realistically can’t keep, and that you’ve been forgiven and your sins are washed away, BUT you have to….. (the list goes on) and it just feels like you can never measure up. Perhaps it was the case of not exactly hearing the true gospel! I do think that of course, if the complete gospel was preached in grace, it would have been a different story altogether.
In my case, I was clueless. I grew up reading the Bible, knew all the stories, but I was clueless. I knew the laws, but I did not know His Grace.
For a big part of my life, I wished I had never grown up in a “Christian” home. I listened enviously when people would share their testimonies of how they were from another religion, and they found God. They had a choices I didn’t. I was forced to go to church. It was another rule I couldn’t keep. Despite growing up in church and going to a Christian school, everything about God that I knew was just in theory. I had never experienced the love of God. I did not experience his goodness and I definitely did not have a relationship with him.
Going to church and a Christian school perhaps could be described as, an arranged marriage that had been set by my parents – and I had not yet met the groom. I didn’t just not love him, I didn’t know him. I heard stories? Perhaps that helped? But I always yearned for that passionate “falling in love” and getting to know him for myself kind of marriage.
All these thoughts bring me to Aletheia. I can only pray that she will have that personally love encounter with God. That she would know him and be known by him. No school or much bible reading can lead to that without the Holy Spirit. It’s so possible to read the words and not have it come alive for you or mean anything till you know the heart of the person who wrote the letter. Then the Bible just becomes a bunch of rules and weird stories that sometimes just don’t make any sense.
My heart, it cries. God, may my children and my children’s children know you. May they really know you and the love that you have. Help me to reflect your grace and goodness and love. Help my children to see that in and of myself, I have no good thing and that any love I have and can give them, it’s only because of the grace and love you have shown me. Help me to be a mom that reflects your wisdom and grace. Help me also to not be afraid to show my kids that I can fail them, and I might never really be that perfect parent – but that the only one that would ever love them Perfectly is their perfect father – whom they came from – you. ABBA.
We are void. We are empty. Without that knowledge of you as we don’t know who we are. How can we when we don’t know the one whom we came from and who created us? How can we know how to love when we haven’t met love? How can we know how to live when we don’t know the one who came to die for us that we might live and have life abundantly ?
I pray that whatever school and path my children take- that they would all lead to knowing you.