The Mom Trap – Offense and Condemnation

On Friday when I was out and about in a department store, a sales assistant came up to me and asked about Zoe. She followed up with asking me if she was okay in the carrier like that. I smiled and replied yes she’s okay. I didn’t think much about it till she asked me a second and a third time like she was trying to make a point that she was NOT OK. I got the hint and thought myself pretty clever when on the 4th time she asked me, “Are you SURE???” I replied with a smile, “No, I’m killing her…”.

A part of me thought, oh the nerve! I brushed it off but in minutes after she finally walked away I found myself quickly going onto Instagram stories to write about it because I couldn’t believe what had just happened. There was an inner voice that said, don’t do it – but I justified and reasoned with the voice that all moms go through it and I wanted to let everyone know that it’s NOT OKAY.

However hours after, I found myself checking in to see if anyone replied to my story. I realized that a part of me wanted other moms to get riled up for me and agree with me that the sales assistant was out of line. My flesh really wanted to get mad and offended. I found myself getting especially defensive walking around when it felt like every other person was stopping me to ask how old my baby was and then giving what I felt like “looks” when I told them she was X number of days and weeks.

BUT, the gentle but very firm nudge inside of my heart that said, don’t post it, don’t do it… don’t get offended wouldn’t go away. After an hour or two I quickly deleted the post and decided to obey the Holy Spirit. I was relieved.

Today- the same nudge that told me I was being offended nudged me again to write about it.

As I was writing this, shortly after Aletheia waned my attention so I had to put the phone away.

However this morning it was as if I needed a reminder about how I was going to choose to react to these comments.

Another lady in the elevator went “is that a baby in there? Can she breathe?!” . This time I felt more prepared and could reply her with a smile and genuinely meant it as a joke – “no, I’m killing her”. But seriously, I have been thinking about what is the best way to reassure strangers that I am not suffocating my baby.

Again I was reminded – I am going to probably face these type of questions and comments everyday that I carry Zoe in my sollywrap or have people comment on my parenting the rest of my young children’s lives. I cannot control what they say, but I can choose how to react – I can choose not to get mad.

As a mom I know there are opportunities on a daily basis for me to fall into the momtrap of offense. Some people (worse still if they are complete random strangers on the streets) think they know better than you what your baby needs, as well as what and how you should take care of your kids. If I choose to meditate on “the audacity! The nerve of some people!” I will fall into as John Bevere’s famous teaching of “the Bait of Satan” – Getting Offended.

How can I still love and bless these people who have indirectly implied that my parenting methods and the way I look after my baby is “less than” and “wrong”, or worse… “so bad”.

Even though Zoe is my 2nd child, I am being reminded of the devils favourite mom traps( especially for new moms) of offense and condemnation. On top of sleep deprivation, dirty diapers and feeding battles, it’s like he says “lets try to steal their joy and peace by feeding them thoughts of condemnation and offense” to really push them off the edge.

If you are a new mom or a 2nd Time mom and know what I’m talking about- let’s not let him win mommas. 💪🏻🙌🏻

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