Thinking of What I Was

I am in tears recalling the old me.

God has set me free from so many bondages in my life I don’t even know where to start.

I’ve been enjoying a good nights sleep and just bursting with joy every morning because of the good rest and energy that I have from sleeping early. Today I woke up at 5am and started my morning exercise and breakfast routine but before Christ I would have never been up this early because I would have only gone to bed by 2am or 5am sometimes. It’s not that I never wanted to wake up early or sleep early. I’ve always wanted to – but I could never do it.

I had no self control. I could not stop

Anything I was doing till I crashed. I would watch a tv series and keep going even though my

Body was tired because I had no self control. I would drink an entire bottle of wine and was addicted to cigarettes and the high of gambling because I did not have that spirit of truth living inside of me. This spirit of truth is my friend. Daily, he talks to me and walks with me. Daily, he whispers ever so gently in my heart , “that’s enough time for bed now… and he doesn’t just stop there … he gives me the power and grace to do so.”

I remember praying for the lifestyle that I have now. I wanted it but all the things that I had been addicted to most of my life were holding

Onto me. The only reason that my life has changed right now is because by a miracle, Jesus literally broke the chains of these addictions over my life and had set me free to live life – and life abundantly.

It didn’t start with the external body. It started internally in my spirit. The more I knew I was loved and forgiven, the more grace I knew I had received…. set me free from the clutches of offense. I was so easily offended. I didn’t love well. I was full of pride. I was selfish. I was hateful even to some whom I did not consider “worthy” of my respect and trust. I had bought into the lie that I would only respect those that EARNED my respect. I would only love those who EARNED my love. The truth is, when I found out that of all people, I was the MOST UNDESERVING of love and respect and grace in all my sinfulness and YET Jesus loved me still… and forgave me still…. that stronghold of offense and unforgiveness released its grip on me.

I still fight with the lying voices some days, but it’s his grace for loving the unworthy ME that continues to bring me back to David’s Cry and now my own, “WHO AM I ? That you are mindful of me? “

In and of myself, I have NO GOOD THING.

But yet in Jesus, I HAVE EVERYTHING.

– 1 Corinthians 1 :26-31 (NIV)

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