41 days since my last period, I was feeling mild cramps and having swollen nipples and kept wondering where my period was. You see, I had stopped thinking I was pregnant and stopped testing 5 days before my scheduled periods because it had been 12 months of insanity. ( Doing the same thing over and over with the same results).
But after wearing a pad for 3 days I had a strange feeling and tested in the Afternoon too ( Not morning!) and lo and behold, had 2 positive test strips.
The AHA moments that came after that were all flashbacks to what happened this month. I looked at the calendar and it is the 29th of October today.
WHAT ARE THE ODDS
What are the odds that exactly 1 month ago on the 29th of September, I was prompted to write a post about “Waiting for Fertility not infertility”. In fact, it was through and when writing that post that I had resolved in my heart and told God that even if I had to wait 8 years like Sarah and Abraham did after the promise was given to them, it would be okay because his timing was always perfect.
What are the odds that this whole month, I kept seeing the numbers 11:11. Everytime I so happened to glance at my phone or the clock, it would be 11:11am or 11:11pm. I even saw it on a youtube video in the number of likes at exactly 11:11 and was too dumbfounded and by the time I had screenshot it, it was 11:12. I walked past buildings and suddenly noticed the number on the building was 1111. I had taken a photo of this and posted in my instal-stories saying that I have been seeing these numbers and every time I did, it was like God was reminding me of the following verse:
“And by faith even Sarah, who was past childbearing age, was enabled to bear children because she considered him faithful who had made the promise.”
What are the odds also that 1 month ago, although I had been enjoying Jiujitsu, I had a emotional tough time and decided to let it go. Had I still been doing jiujitsu during these few weeks, it might not have been very safe with men twice my size with knees on my belly this month.
What are the odds that this was also the month Mark got baptized and that God had made my bellies flow rivers of living waters when I suddenly broke out into laughter 3 weeks ago during worship ( and this has not happened to me for 3 years. Actually the last time it happened was a few months before I conceived Aletheia.)
When I think of all these “odds” and chances… I cannot help but see the Godincidences and God-odds in everything that has happened this month.
GOD TIMING, not GOOD TIMING
Abraham was a 100 and had waited 25 years since God had first told him he was to be with child. It was till it was humanly impossible to have a child that God made them with child.
Although we did not wait 25 years, these past 14 months have been the same. Finding out that we are pregnant today, we know that we know that we know, that we tried. WE TRIED. We humanly Tried to keep the ovulation dates. We “tried” when the Cervical mucus seemed Egg white and stretchy. We Took the supplements.
WE STOPPED TRYING.
That month we made love not to make babies and were willing to wait it out years, somehow, it happened. GOD HAPPENED.
And it was the same with Aletheia, but still, we wanted things in our time, our way – we wanted assurance and predictability – we wanted to “plan” for our future. But how often does God call us to the place of unknown so that we would trust not in the certainty of things to come but in the very one who holds our lives in his hands and heart?
This month I was SICK and STRESSED. For 2 weeks, we were all out from the flu. I was also tensed during Aletheia’s bedtime. I COULD NOT be pregnant. If any month that wasn’t a healthy month it would be this month. Because I know that some would think that its because we stopped stressing about “trying” that it happened – but boy was I stressed about other things and sick too, on top of it!
BY ALL MEANS, we were at our 100 year old Abraham Stage when we knew that without a doubt it would have to be God, and it was.
Friends I don’t know what your fertility journey has been like – but I know personally that it can be very painful, disappointing and trying. I know that sometimes you don’t even want to hope anymore because I have been there.
But I do know this: However that looks like for you ( and everyone’s journey is different. Some come to their children through Adoption and IVF and they are no lesser means of having children) You can keep hoping because -HE WHO GAVE THE PROMISE IS FAITHFUL.