Today I had the thought of looking for this exact photo of myself in a swimsuit in this picture – because I clearly remembered I felt like my skin was spilling out everywhere. I wasn’t embarrassed, but I was not feeling amazing.
I was searching for it through my photo cloud and it shocked me when I saw the date above the photo. 22nd August 2015. And today is the 22nd August 2017.
What are the odds that I would think of this photo on this very day???
I wanted to post this on instagram with some exercise videos but it crashed.
GO WRITE, i felt – Okay, so here it is.
THIS, all this, overwhelms me. I literally just stopped crying 5 minutes ago.
I’ve heard voices ( I know they aren’t God cause they are the condemning ones) saying that I am showing off, too much skin, why post all my exercises, stop it.
But I’ve also heard voices ( the convicting ones) telling me to encourage, inspire, and to give people hope through them. To not stop, even though they are all the same mostly. That to live a healthy life is enjoying everyday life and God wants us healthy spirit soul and body.
I hear now, this is a miracle.
My life is a miracle.
I was blind, but now I see.
I was – , but now I – .
To see myself in the mirror with what looks like “ABS” to me really shocks me
because I NEVER ever thought that this was possible.
I never thought that it was possible that I would enjoy a lifestyle that benefitted my body.
I always get reminded of this prayer I made in 2014 when I felt like I knew I was so unhealthy and unfit but I could not bring myself to exercise and change the way I lived my life. God please give me the motivation, give me the “desire”. It did not happen overnight, but through a journey and a series of consequences of my choices and then another series of Right Choices that led to this day 2 years later.
If I did not have severe acne and had taken Roaccutane which dried up my joints and gave me knee pains, I would not have been “urged” to move my legs everyday (through walking or short jogs which led to creating a habit of moving everyday).
If I did not pull my back and felt a paralyzing muscle pain throughout my body that one day when I had just bent over( in the wrong way) to pick up a bag of groceries, I would not have decided it was worth it to see a personal trainer in natural movement. This taught me posture and how to sit stand and move naturally in the way we were designed to.
If I did not put on so much weight during my pregnancy and did not see how I wasn’t going to feel great in clothes and how my choices in food had led to this, I would not have started making other choices.
I do not know if all of these consequences were designed by God, but I do know that I MADE THOSE CHOICES.
But I do know this – that ALL THINGS work out for the good of those who know they are loved by God and who love him, and I am SO thankful.
I’ve also learned in the past few years that boundaries are so important.
Saying YES to someone, some things, somewhere, means saying NO to other people, yourself, other things, somewhere in your future. ( Thank you Danny Silk and Essentialism ( the book), Kon Marie ( The art of decluttering book) and Beni Johnson ( “Healthy and Free “ book author).
When I say YES to what benefits my body now, I feel great. I don’t think I am really disciplined. I just have different desires and priorities right now. I hate rules, really. I am a designed rebel.
I LOVE ice cream and chocolates! But I LOVE my body more, so I eat dark chocolate in small quantities.
It does all draw back to God for me because like the new covenant, this desire has been written on my heart and is no longer a LAW I cannot keep.
It’s so hard when I know I SHOULD BE, But I don’t really want to, and then forcing yourself to get in line against your hearts desire only to RESENT and then REBEL internally and eventually REVENGE on your own body and God whether it comes to diets, exercise regimes or “religion”.
Friends, if you struggle with this I pray DESIRE for you! A DESIRE for your body to be fueled and to move in the way that is beneficial to you ( And God knows best how and what that is for YOU because we are all made differently).
ASK HIM to lead you to the right exercises, types of food that is good for you, ask him for that self-control and desire to be healthy, free and strong.
And whatever you have gone through physically and emotionally, mentally in your life, HE CAN USE THAT ALL to make it work FOR YOUR GOOD.
Love You All,
22nd August 2015
22nd August 2017
22nd August 2017