I was hearing things in my head like the following…
You are not doing enough.
You are not a good mother.
You are not spending enough time with Aletheia.
Mark is probably thinking that you are not putting in enough effort.
Mark is probably thinking you are lazy.
Mark is doing so much for the family, working so hard and also helping out with the housework and Aletheia and now that you are not breastfeeding and you are not Aletheia’s all in all, what are you really contributing to he family that is unique to you and what are you doing?
You are not contributing to the family.
And I got tricked because these sounded like legit concerns. Ways to keep myself “in check” … self reflection perhaps? Except that, these thoughts made me feel condemned. They made me feel DOWN, frustrated and disappointed with myself, like I wasn’t doing enough.
You see, I wasn’t feeling super well today and it frustrated me that I couldn’t be as perky and full of energy as I normally would like to be. And I had allowed these thoughts to grow and dwell in my heart today all because of the opposite right? Because I love my daughter and my husband so much, I had allowed these thoughts to fester and meditated on them. I got tricked.
This is NOT the voice of God. It did not encourage me but it condemned me. It did not inspire or edify but made me feel lousy about myself.
Tonight after reflecting on today and after talking through with Mark and sharing with him all these feelings that I had already known I had to process with God, I realized that I had let my guard down today.
But it also got me thinking –
How many moms go through this everyday without realizing they’ve been hoodwinked?
CONDEMNATION kills and its the #1 tactic of the enemy for moms!
When you work, he tells you you’re not spending enough time with your kids, you’re selfish because you care more about your career than your kids. When you are a stay home mom, he tells you that you’re not contributing to the family, you’re not doing enough, or that what you are doing doesn’t amount to much greatness.
Whatever parenting method you choose, he’ll tell you that you are such a bad parent and that you are not using the right method and that you’ve failed as a parent (just like your parents have failed you).
How are you feeling? You will have your answer.
God doesn’t condemn us. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. He convicts us of our sins but he doesn’t condemn us. His perfect love casts out fear in our lives, his voice will never lead us to fear and condemnation.
We need that connection everyday.
I need that connection everyday because the struggle is real.
“Devil, You are a liar and an accuser and I will not partner with those thoughts. I thank you God for revealing truth to me right now. I thank you God for this miracle of me being a mom, and that whatever challenges I face as a mom and parent, I know that you can give me the grace with wisdom that comes from you. I know that as I remain in you, that my thoughts will be of your thoughts and let my heart be of your heart to my children. I thank you that you love me so much. Teach me your ways, and as I know you and your ways, I can know what love looks like and demonstrate how that love looks like to my children. I thank you that I love my children so much and that knowing how much you love me will help me see how that love looks like. Guard my heart and mind to hear only what you are saying. Help me to recognize your voice even clearer everyday as I spend more time with you. “