FINDING OUT 41 days since my last period, I was feeling mild cramps and having swollen nipples and kept wondering where my period was. You see, I had stopped thinking I was pregnant and stopped testing 5 days before my scheduled periods because it had been 12 months of insanity. ( Doing the same thing … Continue reading God is Faithful, We Are Pregnant!
God gave us children to open the eyes of our hearts to understand how and why He would give up so much to have us. That love. Why we would go through all the physical “pain” or carrying and growing and delivering our children all to go through many years more of taking care of … Continue reading Parenthood and the Kingdom of God
I have always thought of myself as a creative, a jewelry designer, an artist, but never as a singer or songwriter. I would not have imagined that one day, God would give me what I call a spirit of "thick-skin" / boldness 😂 to just publish this on Spotify. In fact, the very irony is … Continue reading His Kind Of Love – On Spotify
I remember the days where I would measure the success of my day by how much I got done. Was I productive ? How many Statement necklaces did I make today? I measured my productiveness and whether the day was a “good” day when I felt accomplished. Obviously when Aletheia was born, you could have … Continue reading Finally a Human BEing ? // my journey from doing to being ❤️ //
Yesterday Theia started sneezing and I prayed for her confidently, trusting that there was power in my prayer even if I didn’t see the circumstances change immediately but just resting that Jesus’s got this. Just a month ago before I was set free from my fear of the kids falling sick, every single time she … Continue reading The Mom Attack
Today we turned 11 and embarked on our once a year fancy lunch ( mostly my wanting because I’m all about atmosphere and wanting the food to look artistic 😂) BUT . This picture was also taken right before I suddenly felt my heart sink and I pondered on the lies and had all these … Continue reading 11 Years Married
I recently came across an ex new age guru’s testimony on how he encountered Jesus on YouTube and have been pouring through his videos and website. It brought back memories of the time before I met Mark and God 13 years ago, I was hungry for more than religion and was all open “spiritually”. I … Continue reading Spiritual Readings
Growing up steeped in Religion, I was made to feel condemned if I did not “say grace” before my meal. “Did you say your grace ?!” My parents would shoot disapproving looks at me and shake their heads with deep sighs. They could not believe I had chosen NOT to say my grace AGAIN. Oh … Continue reading Whatsapp, God???
It all first started when as a really young child, I was allowed to watch the same shows as grown ups. I watched men frisking women up their skirts, raping them, adults making out. I actually thought it was nice to get “raped” cause it looked so sexy on tv. Those images never really leave … Continue reading I used to watch Porn
Today was my birthday. I woke up without the usual heaviness this time of the year. No lies that said I didn’t matter, no checks on Facebook to see how many wishes I got, no wondering if I would get any surprises, cakes or presents and who would remember. Nothing of that, AT ALL 😱. … Continue reading 34, Delivered From Birthday Depression
Today some friends commented that they would have thought that I would love Aletheia to be in a school that taught about God and how awesome he was. A school that taught her how to pray before having her meals etc. Which got me thinking - if a "Christian" school and nursery can give you … Continue reading The Odyssey of God and Schools
This comes a little premature but it’s been stuck in my throat for the past few months as I’ve known that I know that I know, that we were moving back to Singapore, but I didn’t know exactly when and exactly how and exactly if it would really really happen. You see, in January this … Continue reading 5 Years in NYC and 2 kids later
On Friday when I was out and about in a department store, a sales assistant came up to me and asked about Zoe. She followed up with asking me if she was okay in the carrier like that. I smiled and replied yes she’s okay. I didn’t think much about it till she asked me … Continue reading The Mom Trap – Offense and Condemnation
It’s day 3 and my milk has still not come in and I’m just starting to get full. When I pump I get only a few drops on my nipples and I remember with Aletheia, I had to work very very hard to breastfeed her as well. In the first week, I cried when I … Continue reading New Mom Battles and the Lying Voices
Heads and Hands Down Aletheia (Truth) And Zoe(Life) come by Grace. Today we had a regular visit to the doctors at 31 weeks and to my very pleasant surprise, Zoe was engaged and head down! What I had thought was her head on the right side of my belly was actually her butt! The feeling … Continue reading The Disappointing C section that gave me Truth and Life.
10 years ago, we found out that we were pregnant. Mark was not even 21 and I had just turned 23. I was a financial advisor and he was finishing up his national service. We were NOT married. It was probably March or April that we found out. We were happy and told our parents … Continue reading Pregnant and Unmarried
I am in tears recalling the old me. God has set me free from so many bondages in my life I don’t even know where to start. I’ve been enjoying a good nights sleep and just bursting with joy every morning because of the good rest and energy that I have from sleeping early. Today … Continue reading Thinking of What I Was
Today I was just thinking about how I felt the Holy Spirit tell me that the reason why I was getting so stressed up all the time around 830pm to the point where I would get all tensed and edgy and need to put stress away oil to calm down is because of the law … Continue reading The Laws We Create
Last night I had a flashback and recalled how in primary school I was so insecure and had written in my journals that I had no one to go to recess with me... and every-time it was Recess time I felt so insecure. We had gone away and come back from Israel and having to … Continue reading Honestly, I am Insecure.
MOST couples want kids, and if they are married and haven’t had their first - chances are they actually might be trying but don’t want to tell you. If they have 1 kid but don’t have a 2nd kid... chances are they do want another kid - so you don’t have to keep asking them … Continue reading WaitingFertility, Not Infertility❤️
I had recently fallen into a hole of feeling like a flake for succumbing into thinking about quitting BJJ. I cried so much because it felt like an intense and fun yet abusive boyfriend that I loved but had to breakup with because as much as I liked it, things just weren’t working out. And … Continue reading When Something Good Becomes Something Bad
Today I finally recognized a pattern in Aletheia’s behavior. I found it very strange that on weekends and whenever daddy was around, that she would slowly start rejecting me. We were fine this morning but by afternoon she started throwing the crayon on the floor that I had picked up for her, and refusing my … Continue reading I Don’t Want You, Because I Want You.
Today I had this thought - “ How WRECKED would we be if we really knew what we have been saved from?” “What would the word SALVATION mean to us and what joy would we have to know that we are saved?” I imagined near-death experiences. Getting almost knocked down by a car and “someone” … Continue reading Near-Death Experience
Today I had the thought of looking for this exact photo of myself in a swimsuit in this picture - because I clearly remembered I felt like my skin was spilling out everywhere. I wasn’t embarrassed, but I was not feeling amazing. I was searching for it through my photo cloud and it shocked me … Continue reading When Everything Work(s)-Out
Today was one of those days where I didn't start my day right. I wasn't guarding my heart and thoughts and did not spend time hearing God in the morning and I had let one thoughts get to me.I was hearing things in my head like the following...You are not doing enough.You are not a … Continue reading You Are A Bad Mom
Tonight we were coming back fromAlstead Farms and it was 9pm Saturday night. Aletheia had fallen asleep in the car and she is heavy. I asked Mark if he would be able to get a parking lot by the road if possible and he said it was highly unlikely as it was saturday night.I had … Continue reading A Little Parking Miracle
New Year's Eve 2009I still remember my first cigarette. My then bi-sexual ex-convict boyfriend had broken up with me because I was a virgin and did not want to sleep with him. I was heartbroken and devastated. We had no heart connection then, but I only understand that now. ( More on that next time). I … Continue reading How I Quit Smoking After 9 Years
Recently a friend was saying how she would never want to get on Instagram or become a blogger because she didn't want to get all wrapped up by how many likes she got and get obsessed with social media like how a lot of people are today. Valid, very valid.It came from a heart that was … Continue reading What am I Saying and WHY?
Why do you say you cannot, when I say that you can? Don't you know whose you are, don't you know I am the great I AM?- God to Me, 17 July 2017I was just reflecting on all the lies I had built my life upon up till the moment I met God, Jesus and … Continue reading My Mess, My MESSage.
God is doing something. From having NO inspiration to paint for the past 8 months, after reading @cagelessbirds briefly, I had the urge to paint. I quickly tore the wrapper of a new canvas and brought all my paint out for the first time in a long time, and for the first time in this … Continue reading Cageless Bird – Creatively Free
The Perfect Family - we have it together at all times, and our house looks like this perpetually - NOT. Today I had an amazing day because I chose to let the unfolded clothes remain on the floor, leave Aletheia's toys all over the place as they were, let the dishes remain in the sink, and … Continue reading Living In The Mess
Moms who have only met me recently would think that I've always been skinny. But the truth is that I had put on so much weight when I was pregnant. I put on 18kg and even when Aletheia turned 1, I still had 10 kg to go! I gave up and bought jeans that were … Continue reading A Life Transformed. ( Body-wise)
Exercise has been for me, similar to the presence of God in the way that once I've tasted its goodness, once I've truly encountered his presence and that love and "high", there really is no forcing me to exercise or to pray - because I know that I don't feel good without it, and I … Continue reading Exercise And The Presence of God
I've been in Singapore for almost 6 weeks,and haven't seen my husband for that long.This is the longest we've ever been apart, and for a daddy to not see his 2 year old daughter for that long hasn't been easy.But I know I can trust you.Back when we first got asked if we wanted to … Continue reading But I know I can Trust You
// The Beauty of Jealousy //Today as I read Joel 2:18 " then the lord was jealous for his land and took pity in his people " , and the word JEALOUS captured me.The past week I realized I was getting what I thought was jealous, that since he came back Aletheia wanted only daddy … Continue reading The Beauty of Jealousy
As I was talking about baby names to a friend I was telling her how I love that when people ask me what Aletheia means, I could tell them the following - That I was watching Joseph Prince and the word Aletheia and its meaning flashed on the screen. Aletheia was the greek word for … Continue reading Trust His Heart
I am so thankful that by Gods grace, I have a wonderful and loving husband today. However, there were many years that I battled and questioned and lost my purity because I did not understand why sex out of marriage would hurt me. I only saw it as one more law in the bible that I … Continue reading The truth about Sex and Marriage
As I was in the shower meditating on what I had just read in Elizabeth Gilbert's book on creativity, "big magic", I was concurrently thinking about how it was "time" for baby number 2.Yet, the recent news of a friend's friend's second child being born wth Down syndrome (after their first child being born a … Continue reading You, a work of art.
I think that so honestly, the one thing that prevents me from being creative is fear. Fear that what I create will not turn out nice. Fear that nobody will buy what I make. Fear that what I like and love isn’t commercial enough, and that it wouldn’t sell. In part, this fear seems to … Continue reading Fear and Creativity
Perfect love casts out all fear.What if , you walked around, ran around, met with strangers, knowing that your dad had your back ALWAYS , like you ACTUALLY BELIEVED he was right there beside you and behind you, watching over you?Upon coming back to Singapore, and seeing how carefree and friendly Aletheia is with strangers … Continue reading The Magic Of Faith and Toddler Fears